Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I have come to realize...

That my son's inaccurate recollections of the past are based on current events.

Mister came home just beaming from Boy Scouts last night. He was so excited how they are going to be going 'box' camping soon. (They each get a fridge or stove box to decorate, then they camp overnight in the box in the lodge.) I mentioned that Daddy will go camping with him and his response was...

"I know. I want Daddy to come because he does everything with me and you don't."

Well I'll be...  After I picked my jaw up from the floor I asked him, "Seriously?!"

"Yeah... you don't."

"Well... what about, ... ummm...uh, ... (DAMN - Busted!) I do arts and crafts with you..."

"Oh, not very often..."

And then it led from one thing to another, and before I knew it, we were actually arguing about who used to take him to preschool! Despite the fact that it was me 98% of the time, he seems to have stored away the memories of the few times that Hubby took him. Same followed suit with the one time that Hubby volunteered with his Kindergarten class, despite my weekly volunteering etc... etc...

As a 2 parent family with 2 children of different sexes... I think we likely fit into that family of 4 2/2 split mold. When the children were little, and we were all together, I would wrangle Mister as an infant and Hubby would take Muffin. I think it's normal that the Mother primarily parents the youngest. Then, as they got older - and Mister became too heavy for me to comfortably carry and Muffin's stubbornness challenged the hubby, we switched... and it has remained that way ever since. Now, the separation seems to be out of common gender and interests etc. For example, now that the kids are older, I take Muffin to the bathroom and Hubby will take Mister. Hubby does Hockey and Boy Scouts with Mister and I do Gymnastics and Girl Guides with Muffin.

So despite the fact that I am the primary parent, I am the one who makes their lunches, get them up in the am., helps them with their homework, etc... I really don't do a whole lot of 'fun' stuff with the Mister.

I have noticed lately that Mister seems to swooning over Hubby... lots of hugs and cuddles, which is fantastic... and I think it is stemming from the extra time that Hubby has spent with him over the holidays. Several road hockey games, bobsled track making, snow shoveling etc. To my defense (and a weak one at that), I did go out one afternoon and played with them in the snow, but the rest of the time I was up to my elbows in baking, cooking or entertaining. I did get a chance to spend some good time with Muffin, decorating, baking, painting our nails, doing her hair etc... while Mister was spending time with Daddy. Although... I did spend a couple of hours on Christmas Day playing lego with Mister, I don't think it was enough.

It only makes sense that if Mister thinks this way, then surely Muffin must feel the same about Daddy? The last thing either of us wants is for any one of our children to think that we didn't put any effort into spending time with them. I need to step it up.

Mister's 2 big activities and passions right now is hockey (have I ever mentioned how much I HATE this sport?) and Boy Scouts. Neither I have much interest in, or feel I have a place in - Boy Scouts is a 'male' thing. I either have to involve myself into some road hockey games (Uggg.. yuck) or find something else to do with him that will 'count'. And the same goes for Hubby and Muffin.

While it is natural for there to be a bit of a gender separation, I think we need to blur the lines a bit. Mister may not be interested in decorating, or baking the way Muffin is... so I will have to start being interested in what he is interested in. (As much as any hockey involvement may just kill me!)
Preschool gymnastics with Mister.

Truth Tuesday Link up with The Chaos and the Clutter


Denise said...

Ouch, that must hurt! It is very common for boys his age to start to gravitate towards their Daddy and Daddies become the hero. I was actually relieved when my son finally did the switch as he really was Mommy's Boy for a long time... One thing that has meant a lot to my son is if we go on "dates" together. Doing something we both enjoy. He loves the library and so do I (my husband couldn't care less to go to a library), so sometimes we will do that and look at books he is interested in. Afterwards we go for ice cream and sit and talk. I think it's great if you want to try and join him in things he is interested in, but if you can find something you both enjoy together, your time together might be more fun. I couldn't care less about hockey either - it would be torture for me to have to try and join in... but then again, you never know. It might actually be fun! And I'm sure it would mean the world to him. BUT, don't beat yourself up too much - even mommies can't be all things to all people :)

'Jo' said...

Thanks Denise! My son is a Mommy's boy too... it's sad to see him grow up. (Geez, think I need a baby or what!?) I think I will try to incorporate some Mommy/Son dates... sounds like fun. (And I'll give anything a shot over hockey! ;)