It's Tuesday, so let's be truthful.
When I first started this blog I wasn't quite sure what direction it would take. It was initially started as an adoption journey journal. Many people keep several blogs. One for adoption, one for homeschooling, one for recipes etc. I don't homeschool (yet), but I do have other interests and passions. Certainly not deserving or interesting enough to require their own blog however. So, I have decided that this blog will simply just resemble me! With a main focus on adoption, and other bits and pieces thrown in for good measure! I am a researcher at heart, granola wannabe, and I think I'm a decent cook - so from time to time, I will throw out some product recommendations, green ideas, and some recipes. Because...the truth is, I would do the same thing if you were sitting here in my kitchen having tea. (or wine ;)
Another thing which I have teetered back and forth on... is about how real I should present myself. And here are my thoughts.
You know those blogs... the ones where the person behind the keyboard eats glitter for breakfast and lunch?
Where nothing bad ever happens?
They live in a fluffy world where the glass is always full?
The ones that make you want to vomit in your mouth?
Yeah.. those ones.
Well, here's the thing... I don't think they help anyone really. It certainly can't help the writer to be in denial about reality - not ever able to unleash some dissatisfaction. (Every therapist will tell you, journaling is good... get your feelings out!) AND - I know, as a reader it really actually only makes me feel bad about myself or my situation.
No... the fluff doesn't rub off, it just aggravates.
What does make me feel better is to read that others share in my own miseries. To hear of their shitty experiences and how they overcame them! And let's be truthful - if you are not being honest and truthful about your adoption (etc.), your experience - then really, you are misleading others, and you are not helping. In fact, you could be causing damage. Most people blog to journal or to help and inspire others... Fluff does not have category. Sorry.
So, here I am in all my glory. (No bells, whistles or firecrackers... lol) What you see is what you get. In my everyday life I live authentically. I think everyone should own and accept who they are. I don't have a secret me, or a different personality behind closed doors or with different people. If I'm angry with the hubby for example, you will know it. If I am excited, I can't contain it. If I have a problem, I will voice it. The thing is - it is what it is, and nothing else. I'm not perfect and I'm not afraid to admit it. I have nothing to hide. I realize this may rub people the wrong way, and I'm okay with that too... cause I can only be what I am. I won't put on a facade because that's what I think you want to see. It's more important to me that I am content with who I am, and knowing that I live my life as genuinely as possible.
By my own admission, I suffer from an uncanny ability to be negative... so bare with me. I am a work in progress and have been making strides in being able to see things in a more positive light. Adoption, surprisingly is a good exercise... you have to be able to find the positivity and the hope, because without it, you have nothing.
Wow... now that I've rambled on way too long about myself, I would like to put out there exactly what I would like to say to people when they ask stupid questions.
The other day, I had a woman come to my door to pick up some stuff I was selling. We got on the topic of adoption. She asked where we were adopting from, and I no sooner got out, "Well, we were going to adopt from the US...." and she interjected with "Why aren't you adopting from the Ministry?".
Standing there with her lovely 2 yr old on her hip (after informing they that they are trying for another)... she announced she was a social worker and really started to make me feel as though she was grilling me for making the wrong decision. In her eyes, I should be adopting from the ministry and everything I had to say about it - she answered with, "That is not always the case...".
So, although my typical response is to be polite and defend myself, I need to strategize here. I want some real humdinger responses. I want to answer a question with a question. Not to be rude, or to hurt. But to make them think, "Did my mouth just say that?". Educate... not hate. I don't have these answers yet... I'm still working on it. BUT - I do know what that little voice inside my head says and what I feel like saying...
Said by social worker lady...
Why don't you adopt from the Ministry? Why don't you?
Said by my lawyer's legal secretary...
Why would you want to do that (adopt from Kenya)?
I don't know... 147 million orphans in the world. 50 million of them Africa. 1 in 5 will die before their 5th birthday. The lucky ones? They will suffer from famine and disease. They will be raped and abused. They will survive only by salvaging what they can from landfills and by selling their own bodies.
I guess you and your children are just darn lucky to have been born in the Western world so you didn't have to suffer the same fate - because if you were, you would really have to hope that there were people in the world who weren't as ignorant as you and actually gave a shit.
Said by family member...
Why don't you adopt from China?
Do you know how racist that sounds?
Do you have a problem with Africa or Africans?
Why the HELL not Africa?
Said by someone I know...
Why do you want to travel and adopt from Africa? Africa is full of AIDS, there is a good chance your kid could have aids too.
What?! Are we living in the 80's here?! Your right, there are a lot of people with AIDS/HIV in Africa. Most orphans are AIDS victims. Although all the children are tested for HIV, there is a chance that they could have HIV. HIV is manageable with medication and many HIV positive people are able to live long, healthy, normal lives. It is almost a non issue nowadays. The only issue, unfortunately, is the stigma attached to it, created by people such as yourself. (Which unfortunately, is the only thing that gives me pause in considering adopting a positive child!) HIV positive children are just as deserving as any other orphan.
Now, as far as your worry about travelling in a country 'full of AIDS', you must be concerned that I will catch it. You will be happy to know that I do not intend on having sex with anyone there (other than hubby that is), nor will I be sharing needles with anyone. You will also be happy to know that outside of these 2 activities - my chances of catching HIV is MUCH lower than getting struck by lightning. That's right... you should be more concerned about the local weather patterns.
Said by family member...
There are many children in our own country that need help too, why aren't you adopting one of them?
Seriously? What do you really know about the children in need in Canada? Have you researched this? This is a typical, safe response. But actually shows your ignorance about adoption in the real world.
And, the last time I looked - this was our 'own' planet, and there are many children on our 'own' planet that are in need. There are several reasons why... but I am tired of explaining myself, so let me ask you this...
Why don't you adopt one of these children?
Why do you care where the heck I adopt from?
Wouldn't you agree that adopting a child from Africa is better than not adopting a child from anywhere?
And last, but not least... (words of wisdom from a dear friend of mine - 'xome')
Would you be so concerned about the way I build my family if this child came from my own VAGINA? No...? I didn't think so.