Friday, October 28, 2011

Have you ever had trouble sitting on the toilet?

Pick me!

For 4 days to be exact. This was the start of my hate/hate relationship I have with Crossfit. I don't know if you have ever heard of it, or ever done it... but I'm here to warn you about it.

What is Crossfit?

CrossFit is the principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies and tactical operations teams, military special operations units, champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and professional athletes worldwide.

Sound scary enough? If not, a video says a thousand words...

Let me first tell you that I am NOT in great shape. I am no fitness guru. I do need to lose weight. I would love to lose 30 lbs. Although, I have not been that weight in like 10 years - but it's something I can certainly dream about!

Enter Crossfit into my life... A new gym opened in town and was offering free introductory classes. So a girlfriend of mine, and I decided to check it out. Well, I think we were caught off guard - to say the least. In fact... we can laugh now, but my GF didn't bring a water bottle or even running shoes (she had on converse street sheets) and she was sporting a tube top. Yep... no straps.

Well, I think just about died this day. We did 20 minutes of some hard enough stuff... leg lifts, jumping jacks etc... I was starting to get a good sweat on when she announced it was time for the warm up.

The what?

Warm up?

Are you freaking kidding me? What the heck did we just do?

'The pre-warm up'.....  Oh. my. goodness.

The warm up just about kicked my a$$ flat on the ground with planks, push ups, lunges etc...

Now we were ready for the work out! (Well, I was ready for my grave really...)

5 circuits of 15 squats followed by 400 KM's of running. We live in a mountain town... which means half is up hill. K. Seriously. I thought my legs or knees were going to just give out on me. I realized that I was no where near as strong as I thought I was, and squats are very difficult for me! My whole body was shaking trying to get into a squat by the end... My legs turned to rubber and I could hardly even recognize them as my own. It was like I was walking on noodles!

For 4 days following, I was seriously quite impaired physically. My poor quads burned and literally seized up. Living on top of the mountain, means that I not only have 2 flights of stairs in my house, but stairs outside that lead to my driveway which is a steep hill. I had to take every single step on a sideways angle, holding on to railing for any support I could get - and my steps down hill where also taken with a side shuffle accompanied by noises of pain. BUT... that was not the worst of it. The worst was sitting on the toilet and getting back up. I fully qualified for the raised toilet, grab bars and the whole nine yards - but no. All I had was my vanity and a low toilet. One hand on the counter top, the other on the side of the toilet as I would try to pull myself off of that throne. I tortured my bladder by making it hold copious amounts of urine... just to eliminate a trip down to the toilet.

Yes, I was a sad, sad sight.

Fast forward a few weeks... I still die. Every single class. But the soreness usually only lasts 2 days now. I have become familiar with strange poses, positions and weight lifting. I have a new work out vocabulary. Burpees, Wall Climbs, Kettlebell Swings, Sumo Squats... etc. And I still hate it. I wake up in the morning and think...Crap! Today is crossfit.... damn it!

Why do I hate it so much? Cause it is extremely hard! I hate it the entire time I do it... and I hate being sore afterwards. The only thing I enjoy is that moment when s/he says "End of class."

Well why would she keep going you ask? Because I'm damn stubborn and I hate the fact that it beats me. Every class... it wins, not me. I want to do it until I can do it, and do it well... and kick it's a$$ for a change!

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