Worry.... and remember... Remember every damn truth we put in our home study.
Seriously, if you know me well, you know I don't own a secret. No skeletons hiding out in my closet. (Which is a good thing, as there isn't any room!) I own my faults as much as possible, and I'm not afraid to own those of my family as well (to the SW anyway). What you see is what you get... I wear my heart on my sleeve - it's hanging out to dry. So when a social worker asks me a question - leave it to me to answer in brutal honesty, and add 10 other things she probably didn't want to know!
How do you describe yourself, she says to me? How do I answer? Not, "Fun, bright, creative, organized, dedicated, passionate, honest..." etc. Nah, ... I answer with, "Perfectionist, Controlling and Negative." Yep... I did.... and so on and so forth. That's right folks - and if you are an important member in our lives (aka family), chances are she and Kenya now know all your downfalls and skeletons too!
I was telling the truth... and if you dissect this even a little bit - you will notice I did say 'negative'. That being said, I hope that the mighty adoption chiefs over in Kenya, realize that with my negative inclination - the picture is actually much brighter than I painted it. I am a perfectionist, controlling and negative - but those are my negative qualities! I have other, more appealing qualities. Really, I do.
AND, the fact remains that I am not the average 'Jo' here... I didn't lie or beat around any bush during our interviews... I was brutally honest. No embellishments, exaggerations, glossy overview... nada! Who else does that!? (If you did - please make me feel better and tell me you did!!)
So now I got my knickers in a knot thinking that my home study is going to look horrendous compared to any other one they have ever seen! What are the chances that even 50% of home study questions are answered in honesty and then filed in the home study reports honestly?
Fact: If my home study report is the brutal honest truth coming from a negatively inclined person - I AM LOOKING PRETTY DARN GOOD!
Okay, so let's hope they don't even read it... ugg.
6 comments:
Don't do this- sit and stew about the things you wrote, you have no control over them! And you will, in fact, drive yourself crazy! Personal experience there. Try and let it go, which is sooo much easier said then done. Of course, I know that you won't be able to, because I wasn't able to, but it is nice to hear someone else tell you to not worry. Cause really, you shouldn't! But, find a good girlfriend, or your blog and worry away. That's what friends are for, to keep you sane when you are teetering on the brink of insanity!
I think I know how you feel. We just did a homestudy visit a few weeks back to adopt from the ministry in NB, and I was pretty honest too. I wanted to make sure that they really knew who I was so that they could match us with a child who would be a good fit for our family. Our SW reminded me that no one is perfect, and that I was doing my best, but I still look back at that meeting and think "did I really say that?" and then I totally over analyze it and think that I've ruined our chances for us to adopt. I think in the end though that all will be fine, and the powers that be will see all the good in our reports and know that we can provide good homes for these children. Good luck! I know this part of the wait is one of the hardest.
Ha! I hear you Jacquie - let's hope we are not alone in this!
I wouldn't change anything. I believe that pure honesty is important in a homestudy and hopefully will be looked at from a positive stand point.
If I were looking at dossiers... it would be the 'perfect' families with the nicely painted white picket fences that I would be worried about! No one is perfect... and everyone has the black sheep in the family... drunk Aunt, or brother with a criminal past... etc.
Come clean people!!... don't leave Jacquie and I to hang out to dry! Hahaha... ;)
I wonder who actually reads the whole homestudy anyway? I Probably no one but the poor person who had to type it out :) I figure that they must think that if you were approved here, and you are willing to put your family through this life change - for the chance to adopt a child you don't even know... you must be pretty fantastic and just skip over the rest of it :) It'll be fine!
Wise words Denise - thank you. You are so right! ;)
Speaking as someone who never cares to go through another home study again, I tried to be as honest as I possibly could, but at times I felt as if they just wanted me to say the "right" things. In the end, I think they want to know what kind of parent you will make. They want to know you are not crazy. And since I read your post Rich, Crazy or Angels, I know you're not crazy. Thanks for stopping by my blog. It's great to read another Canadian blog. I think it's amazing you guys are moving to Kenya. You are an amazing family, I can't wait to read more and cheer you on.
ICLW #90
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