Thursday, March 10, 2011

The evolution of our adoption...

The ever evolving... crazy... adoption.

It's interesting to look back and see how exactly things have changed. One year ago I was devastated by the photos of the Haiti orphans and felt compelled to try to adopt a Haitian child. Haiti was closed, and in my research I became interested in Ethiopia. Ethiopia was wait listed for a year - so I added my name and then actively tried to pursue US facilitators to help me. Obviously, nothing came out of it - however, I was damn determined. Then I sat, waited and followed the stories of many others in the process. Before too long, I decided to just "look" into other African countries to see what was available. Lesotho and Rwanda were 2 places that I seriously considered, but for various reasons they never worked out either. Then I fell in love with a photolisting of twin girls in DRC. DRC was a new program and they were taking new clients - so we jumped on the wagon and started our home study. Eventually along the way, my excitement has dwindled for this program. For many reasons; travel to the country is unsafe and we would not be able to bring our children, I ponder the longevity of the program and am afraid that it could very close at any time, and if I was still willing to push my way through - our agency is not accepting clients to the program for 5 months +.  So, I slowly dip my toes into the US adoption pool, and little by little, I am warming up to it.

One year ago, an adoptive Mother suggested that I just save myself the trouble and adopt a black baby from the US. I was appalled. Really, I was offended. All I could think was - "Is that what you think this is?... I am looking for an accessory to my wardrobe? My focus is not narrowed to "wanting a black child", I am wanting to adopt an African orphan. Yes, I want another child, and want to add to my family - but I can kill 2 birds with one stone and save an orphan!" I love Africa, and I love the people of Africa... I fell in love with them years ago...  My plight was about helping Africa, having a connection to Africa, travelling to Africa, re-visiting and volunteering. How quickly that was swept away from me.

 MOWA in Ethiopia has just reduced adoption case processing by 90%! This is a huge amount! I hope for all of the families that are involved, that this is corrected quickly! However, whether it does or not - it is a testament to the instability in the program. There have been so many crazy changes over the past few months, that literally make this program a pipe dream at best.

DRC in my opinion and situation is a very unsure program to lay any chips on at this point, and I really don't have the patience to sit and wait and watch the program fall to pieces like I have with Ethiopia.

In a last ditch effort - I called a few Canadian agencies and inquired about any other possible programs or countries... and came up empty handed. There is one new program - St. Vincent island. However, it is very much similar to the US program, but the wait can be 1-2 yrs just to get started!

So... I research a little more on US adoptions. I spoke with a few US agencies. I uncover the fact that while the wait list for Caucasian babies are years and most agencies are not even accepting new families, there are very few families who want to adopt black babies. Some birth moms don't even have a choice - only given the profiles of 1-4 families to chose from! This is ludicrous!
Then... I saw this video.

... and it all came together. I feel the need. I understand where that adoptive Mom was coming from a year ago when she suggested I look to the US. She understood something I didn't yet grasp!

I want to save a life, yes! I want to save a child from famine and poverty! I want to save a little girl from a terrible future. But. I. Can't. The doors are locked and I can't enter. I now realize that with the demand and interest in Africa, I am not changing anything from stepping out of line. The person behind me will take my place. A child will not be left to starve because I chose not to wait this out for years. The demand is certainly outweighing the amount of children available for adoption in Africa - especially in the case of Ethiopia. Now, if I lived in the US and had more options and resources, I would be in a program already. But I don't. I can accept that I have no future with Africa, and am starting to realize that my future is in the US. It may not mean saving a child from an illness and famine, but it will mean giving a child a safe, secure loving family and a bright future. A couple months ago, we were not interested in adopting an infant. We didn't want to diaper all over again. But now we are starting to look forward to it, and can see the advantage of doing so!

I will make one last program inquiry prior to signing on to the US, but inevitably - it is 98% likely that we will be going with the US. At the end of the day, the priority has always been to add another life to our family, and so really it doesn't matter how they get here or where they come from - we will love them the same!

I know that everything will work out in the end. I can't help but laugh at all that I have done and gone through this last year. The rejoicing and mourning of every program... I realize that it all needed to happen the way it did, otherwise I would not have gotten to where I am today - and an US adoption would not have even crossed my mind. It started with Haiti, and will end with the US - and for a Mother who is fertile and capable of bearing a bio child. I know some people still think we are crazy... and I still get the "Why don't you just have one of your own..." And we could, but I don't feel that is the way that our family is meant to come together. We have been led down this path for a reason... , and I certainly feel that what is meant to be is happening. Somewhere, there is an unborn child that is meant to be a part of our lives. (And yes, we would be happy to have twins!)

1 comment:

Gypsy Mama said...

I can totally relate to your frustrations of trying to find a country to adopt from. It's hard because you feel like you are trying to do a good thing by giving an orphan a home and doors keep getting shut in your face. I'm so glad your story has a happy ending :)