Thursday, July 14, 2011

Learning to brush it off...

I haven't had much of a chance to post this week... partly due to some self reflection I have been doing. Now that our adoption has become more public, the school, our colleagues, and friends and family have all been made aware of our plans.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, and my personal close friends and family have been involved in this very long journey right along with us. The friends, family and members of our community we have not confided in throughout our process are perhaps caught off guard by this. People are clearly unaware of the process that we have been through to get here. I can understand that it may appear that we woke up one morning and just on a whim, decided to not only adopt from Africa, but to complete a residency there as well - without any consideration to the consequences it will have on our children, bank account and extended family. However, I can't help but also just shake my head at this. I feel that we deserve a little bit more credit than this. While I more than anything just want to come on here and post details about all that we have been through to get here -the 18 months wait list, the hours spent with the social worker over the last 5 months, the 6 week adoption education course, scrutiny by our agencies and governments etc..., and defend ourselves (notice how I just snuck all that in there? lol)... I am learning to brush it off. If someone is not willing to come forward with questions out of a genuine care and interest, I don't owe them an explanation. I realize we are embarking on a journey that will clearly make us a conspicuous family and this is just the beginning of having our family being the topic of conversation at the water cooler. I need to learn to really not care what they think... and honestly I thought I didn't. My struggle is learning to bite my tongue when I would love to offer my opinion in return.. and in reflection I realize that this clearly must indicate that I do care. Upon greater thought, I realize I am taking this very personally.... and how can I not? When I come across criticism, or even a complete lack of interest from others... I feel that they are attacking our future child. Clearly making me aware that this child is not only unwanted by them, but will also experience their negative attitude and disapproval.... and I will not let this happen. These people will be cut out of our lives... saving not only our adopted child from this negative environment, but our biological children as well. As any assault on our adopted child will also impact their brother and sister.

Fortunately... there are only a few rotten apples in the large amount of family and friends that are very supportive of our journey. We are clearly very blessed to be so lovingly supported by so many and meet more every day. Thank you to all that have our backs and are willing to share this journey with us! And to the rest... I really do feel sorry that you lack enough compassion to see what a wonderful thing this!

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Great post Jolene! We are experiencing similar issues and are also grateful that so far the important people have been supportive of our decision. And I guess we give the others something to talk about haha.

Love reading your blog!

Jo said...

Thank you for all your feedback Sarah... and I believe that the important people will be the supportive players - anyone who is not supportive, obviously isn't that important!
Thanks again for all your comments and support!