Thursday, August 30, 2012

Decompression & Anxiety

Adoption is a challenge, but many people say that all the real work begins when you bring baby home.

This process has been so consuming of our lives for the last 18 months. A battle that we fought every day... and now it has come to an end. Granted, we still have court and visa to contend with, but the process to our daughter is 99% complete.

So after a big deep sigh of relief, you are left saying, "Now what?".

Now enter anxiety.

For 18 months all I had to worry about was getting one step closer to our daughter. One more hurdle, one more piece of paper. Now, I am faced with the reality that this actually going to happen.

We are moving to Kenya.

We are leaving our business here.

We are going to add a new member to our family. A new member who has come from a 'hard place' and requires a lot of work.

Anxiety looks like:

Complete heartbreak at the thought of having to leave our dog who is so attached to me. My shadow. Whom we have not found an absolute 'ideal' foster home for.

Money... trying to scrape up the funds for our next large set of fees, airfare and living expenses.

9 trips to the dentist in a month. Cleanings, fillings.

1 trip to the Orthodontist.

4 trips to the eye Doctor.

2 trips to the family Doctor.

3 trips to the travel clinic. $1000 worth of vaccines.

Trying to start the process of packing, and not really knowing what to bring for Zahra as we don't know her age.

Pulling out closet contents etc. to sort through and pack away... and then having to shove it all back in closets, under beds etc... to show the house to potential renters.

Passport renewals, to which I have left too late and now have to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back to get 10 day service, so I have enough time to purchase Kenyan visas.

Homeschooling - I have to research and find a program that works for us.

Business... I have to complete this years taxes etc... finalize everything, make sure everyone is paid up etc.

Cancel all of our utilities etc, MSP, insurance, phones etc.

Find a home for our bird and chickens.

Pack up the house and clean it. This is HUGE.

Research and purchase travel insurance.

Book flights - just found out that Sept/Oct is super busy for humanitarian fares which means $$$.

Find a house to rent in Kenya, and not knowing if it will be furnished or not. Do I pack the bed sheets?

Worry about having my hubby gone for weeks at a time to come back for work. Tracy can I come stay with you?? Being alone in a house without at least a dog in the house scares the jeepers out of me.

I need to cleanse, detox and lose some extra pounds.

.. and a million other things that I simply haven't thought about yet - All in 5 weeks.


A lump in my throat and and tightened chest, I think this is what anxiety feels like. No worries - I do have a Dr's appointment just to make sure that I am not suffering from high blood pressure, or heart failure. Sheesh...

I am wishing now that I had done many more preparations before - but after 2.5 yrs, I really didn't trust that this would ever happen.

Crunch time.

I feel a bit lost some of the times, not knowing what to do next. Don't be surprised if you don't see a lot of me in the upcoming month.

I will however keep you updated with any news... so keep checking in!. :)

Keep Calm & Carry On.


Candice said...

I can't even imagine how overwhelming that to-do list must feel.
You're in my prayers honey.

Denise said...

It feels so overwhelming, doesn't it? Does it help if I say it will all be worth it?