Attachment refers to the bond between the primary caregiver (usually the Mother) and her child. Biologically, this happens in utero. In adoption however, it requires more work as it doesn't always happen naturally.
Typically the adopted child doesn't understand the role of a parent as they have never had one. They need to learn that 'Mom' is a place to feel safe and secure. 'Mom' is where they receive comfort, nourishment and love. 'Mom' should, essentially, be the center of their universe. Learning this is part of the period of 'attachment'.
' Developing a secure attachment to a primary caregiver is extremely important as the child's mental representations of intimate relationships and the foundation trust often carry over into adulthood, affecting future adult relationships. "Studies of attachment have revealed that the patterning or organization of attachment relationships during infancy is associated with characteristic processes of emotional regulation, social relatedness, access to autobiographical memory and the development of self reflection and narrative."
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/artadoption.php
Of course attachment doesn't always go one way - it goes both ways. It also refers to the bond of Mother to Child.
All that being said, we are happy to report that we are securely attached!
I honestly never expected it to happen so seamlessly, and perhaps I should be knocking on wood.
From the beginning, Zahra has never wanted to let me leave her sight. She wants me to carry her 90%... I spent the first month carrying her in an Ergo. We are now starting to encourage her to walk more and use the stroller a bit to save my back (she is 30 lbs!), and more recently, she now allows Daddy to carry her in the Ergo.
Eye contact, never a problem.
She has slept with us right from the start, which I firmly believe is a great attachment parenting tool. The first two nights, she slept on my chest. When she is feeling particularly whiny/clingy, I will have often lay her on my chest, skin to skin. She loves to go bed and I think it's because of the guaranteed cuddle time.
She screams like the sky is falling if I leave her or she thinks I am leaving her.
She is generally happy most of the time. She is super funny and silly. We love watching her personality unveil itself to us.
The home that she came from was quite small and she was one of the first babies to come into this home (and the first girl), so I believe this has a lot to do with her quick attachment - given that she did have a lot of care and attention and was well attached to her caregivers.
My lack of blogging certainly is not because we are having any issues, but more so that we are happily busy chasing 3 children, homeschooling, hanging laundry, and washing dishes in addition to connectivity issues and power outages. ;) (This post has taken exactly 1 hour and 24 minutes just to get it posted!)
We are very much counting our blessings and hope things continue down this path.
2 comments:
Glad to hear that things are going so well. our daughter used to scream and scream as well if she thought we were leaving. Eventually she will reach the point where she doesn't as she totally grasps that you are permanent, even when you aren't in the room.
So glad to hear that things are going well!!! I have thought of you often.
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