Weekend with Dr. Neufeld.

This man is a genius! I spent all day Saturday and Sunday at his "Working With Our Kids When They Get Stuck" work shop.

My head is spinning with information that I will not even try to relay on here, as I don't want to get it wrong. I just purchased his book Hold on to Your Kids that will hopefully help me piece it all together.

His lecture was very interesting, entertaining, and enlightening. I highly recommend seeing him if he is in your area and picking up his book!

His work shop gave me greater insight to who I am as a person/parent, my children, and things that I could/should be doing differently.

I realize that I am a Alpha by default, being the oldest of 6 kids and having to take on a role of a co-parent and confident to my Mother when my parents divorced when I was 10. I realize that I have had to struggle with not feeling supported or looked after. Apparently, it is much easier to look after your children, when you feel like you are being looked after. IE - You need support. I realize that I have sought/found this in my partners rather than my parents, which doesn't work so well when he is in need of support from me.

I also have a better understanding of stress, cortisol, and how it is affecting my sleep and my cognitive function.. it certainly explains why I have difficulty figuring out a tip in a restaurant and making change, considering I have a major in finance and work with numbers! (which has been a huge struggle lately!) My friend and I -who is also suffering from similar side affects, (only from a concussion) were a hot mess this weekend... getting to and from the conference, lunch money and trying to retain the info. lol. Funny enough...we also both struggle with 'tip of the tongue syndrom' ... losing our words, which makes for an interesting conversation... but at least comfortable for us to sound like idiots to one another. Ha. I can laugh... because I know the end of the line is Kenya, which is just around the corner. Yes, this adoption is stressful, but it is the accumulative of some heavy business stressors, recent deaths, looking after ailing parents, etc... that eventually build up to more than one person can bare. Being in Kenya will eliminate one of our largest stressors  (our current business)... which will allow more room in my over flowing cup to deal with those that remain. Dan and I both need this time in Kenya for many reasons, as I see him struggling with his overfloweth cup as well.

I learned that I could be more indulgent to Muffin's sensitivities... sympathize with her more instead of taking the 'suck it up' approach. Did you know that there is a strong correlation to sensitive (and autism - the most sensitive child) and difficult births and or c-sections? My little Muffin had a very difficult time being birthed, and she is a sensitive child - which makes her so understanding and sympathetic of others, but also means that she can get her feelings hurt more easily. I look forward to giving her more of me emotionally, physically and every other way to help shield her heart.

I realized that my little man has a difficult time expressing his emotions. He has not said "I love you", for as long as I can remember, or "I'm scared", or "I'm sad" etc.... He 'wears' these emotions... but does not speak them. I don't know why I never took notice of this, probably because he is very emotionally grounded - in the sense that he is very affectionate, loving, nurturing etc. For the past couple days, I have worked with giving him more of my self - tighter hugs, longer cuddles and I have made sure to verbalize my feelings more with him. The first night all he could give me was a "Good love"... which meant Good night/ Love you, but last night I got a "Love you to moon and back", after I said, "Love you to the moon". I thought some outer space talk may encourage him! ;) It's important to ensure that we allow our boys to show emotion, have tears, fears etc., so that is something we will be working on facilitating.

On the side of adoption, I really got a chance to understand the roots of attachment. As I have been reading about adoption and attachment for a long time, I had the tools. I understood to get eye contact, to hand to mouth feed, to play, to hold.. and to allow scenarios happen that allow the adopted child to get their tears out, but I didn't fully understand why it is so important, and how their development depends on it.

I love self reflection... growing, learning and adding parenting tools to my tool box!

Dr. Neufeld also has DVD's, CD's etc... that you can order or perhaps borrow from your library or rent from your local movie store if reading is not your thing, as well as online courses!! I highly recommend that all parents, and even grandparents... check his stuff out! My weekend was worth every penny!

Puberty... and the book that is guiding me through it.

Age 8 in my eyes is the end of the child'hood'. 8 is the switch from child - to youth.

Muffin is closely approaching 9. Somewhere between 8 and 9, my little girl has turned into a young lady. Honestly, I looked at her one way day and thought, "When the heck did you grow up!?" It was overnight. She's much taller, her face has matured, she makes the craziest grown up comments, and I daresay she is 'budding'.

Discovery of this came after I had purchased her a new, heavy knit cotton shirt that sort of hung off her. We were at a hockey tournament out of town, and we were in a community room when I noticed her out of the corner of my eye.

I looked.

I saw.

I did a double take with my jaw on the floor.

I wanted to believe it was just the shirt, or perhaps she had just gained weight... so I mentioned to a couple of the other Moms in private later on. Sure enough, when Muffin had re-entered the room... they agreed quite adamantly that yes, my little girl was developing. 8! She is 8! I'm pretty sure I was at least 10 before this happened. I know, I do have to remember that 50% of her genes do not come from me. But still, 8!

After picking my jaw up off the floor, I collected myself and pulled up my 'Mom' panties. I knew I was going to need 1 thing to help me get through this. 'The book'. I didn't know what the book was though. My shopping advisor (aka Tracy) recommended a book. The Care and Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls - Valorie Lee Schaefer. I did my due diligence. Checked the reviews, and was able to find it here in town so I could look through it first.

Book in hand... I wasn't quite sure what my next step would be. The funny thing is that I am a very open person! I don't have a tough time talking about stuff like this... but this is my baby girl for crying out loud! It just doesn't seem right. Luckily, I had an amazing book to guide me through the process.

I picked her up from School and told her that I had bought her a special book that would explain to her what to expect as she gets older. I told her we would read it together. She was super stoked and excited. So as I made dinner that night, she started to read the short chapters to me and we discussed as needed. The fantastic thing about this book is that it does all the work for you. It very gently guides you through everything there is to know about the female body as it goes through puberty, head to toe.

It starts off slowly with the basics of the importance of taking care of your body. From there, it discusses proper care of your hair, ears, eyes, mouth (teeth) etc... everything on your head. No details are overlooked either. From dandruff, to braces and acne... even how to get gum out of your hair!

From the Heads Up chapter, we move to the Reach chapter where hands, underarms, and *gulp - breasts are discussed. As Muffin read through this... with absolutely no embarrassment at all, I watched her closely, wondering what she might say... and then she blurted out, "Mom! This is what is happening to me!... look!", as she reefs up her shirt to show me her newly discovered growth.

That evening, her and I took a trip to Walmart to find a camisole or something, as I refuse to buy a 'bra' at this point. Baby steps. This is similar to what we found... and we call it a 'sports top'. I bought her a pack of two... and I don't think she has been without one since!

This discovery, book, and 'top' has purchased her a ticket to the 'grown up' world... and you'd swear she has just won the lottery! She gives me daily updates on her growth and asks a million questions. Mostly about my experience. She's very interested in what I went through - how old was I when I got my first bra, err - 'sports top'? Did it look like hers? Did I wear it all the time?... etc.

The book now sits on the shelf. She has not read anymore, and we have an agreement that she would only read it with me so we can discuss it and I can answer her questions. The truth is, I don't want her to speed forward to the chapter of 'how to insert a tampon'... Baby steps, and we still have a lot of time.

As far as the book goes, I would highly recommend it. It is strictly about what girls can expect as they get older, changes with thier bodies and their feelings. It covers no content about sex or even boys for that matter. This is a book that is appropriate for young girls entering the first stages of puberty. From bed wetting, foot fungus, to eating a balanced diet, it really leaves no stones un-turned.

 I guess I have a couple years before I need the 'boy book'... but if you have any recommendations, I would gladly take them! ;)

Here is a very interesting article on early puberty.

Read a book - give a book - all for FREE!

Adding to the family requires preparation. Adding an adopted child of color requires even more preparation.

You become sensitive not only to the fact that this child will be joining our family by way of adoption, but also that this child will come from a different culture and race. We look at the toys and the books. Is there a good representation of cultural and racial diversity? What about books with adopted children, interracial families - families that may resemble ours? Do we have dolls that will resemble our child?

It is part of our white privilege to never have to think about these things when having 'white' children. If you have never had to think about it - you certainly have never tried to locate a black doll in small town Canada either! It's almost worse than trying to find the remote in my house!

SO... to get back on track... I was looking online for books targeted for the younger audience that fit the above description. Luckily, there are some amazing books out there - so my list is growing quite large. (Yes, you'll know what to get us for birthdays and Christmas! ;)

BUT... I stumbled on a very cool website that allows you to register for free, and read books online for free! And if that isn't good enough - every single time you read one book, they donate a book to a child in need! FOR FREE! Does it get any better? Not really - so you should head on over to We Give Books and start reading! ;)

*If you too are an adoptive parent looking for reading material to add to your library, you may find the video "The Danger of a Single Story" enlightening!

Og and hair ragging.

I recently remembered one of my childhood favorite books. The Secret World of OG. (If you don't have it, you should get it... my kids love it too!)

I lucked out and was able to find one copy in one of our local bookstores.... and this is what our Sunday evenings now look like...

And as Sunday night is always a bath night, I comb out Muffin's hair and wrap it up in rags (the store bought variety. ;) while Daddy reads the story. 

And this is how it looks in the morning. 

I can't wait til she's old enough to rag my hair!!

Now, I have to show you the outtakes I found on my iphone... photos that Muffin took herself while I was rolling her hair. She has always been a model ham for the camera - I think she started posing at 18 months. Seriously.

And then, she pulls out her 'Beaver' impersonation. Haha... she's such a card!

My favorite 2011 reads...

 I love to read. In fact I need to read in order to slow my brain down at night so I can sleep...

Some of my favorite reads of 2011, in no particular order...

My Maasai Life - Robin Wiszowaty
Kindred - Octavia E Butler
Sarah's Key - Tatiana de Rosnay
The Help - Kathryn Stockett
Cutting for Stone - Abraham Verghese
Before I go to Sleep - S J Watson

and the series that I am almost finished now... and can't put down, and causes me to stay up to 1am reading, is The Hunger Games Series. Totally not my usual genre of books, but I love it! If you haven't read it... I highly recommend it! I give it a 5 star, as it doesn't put me to sleep at night at all, but keeps me up turning pages... which is not a good thing for me in the am!! The movie comes out in March and is said to be the most anticipated movie of all time!

Happy Reading!!

Good Reads - My Maasai Life: From Suburbia to Savannah

A nice break from adoption and transracial parenting reading!! For those that have yet to read this - it's well worth the time!!


Very well written, this engaging story recounts Robin's unsettled and unfulfilled life in Suburban US and follows her to remote Kenya, where she lives life as a Maasai. Through Robin's experience, I was able to peak into the everyday life of a Maasai, from the daily water collection, to their circumcisions rituals. Her keen attention to detail in the small formalities, rituals and customs was very interesting to me. I certainly learned a lot about the Maasai culture!


Robin, is a true inspiration and now works for Free the Children in Kenya.