Weekend with Dr. Neufeld.

This man is a genius! I spent all day Saturday and Sunday at his "Working With Our Kids When They Get Stuck" work shop.

My head is spinning with information that I will not even try to relay on here, as I don't want to get it wrong. I just purchased his book Hold on to Your Kids that will hopefully help me piece it all together.

His lecture was very interesting, entertaining, and enlightening. I highly recommend seeing him if he is in your area and picking up his book!

His work shop gave me greater insight to who I am as a person/parent, my children, and things that I could/should be doing differently.

I realize that I am a Alpha by default, being the oldest of 6 kids and having to take on a role of a co-parent and confident to my Mother when my parents divorced when I was 10. I realize that I have had to struggle with not feeling supported or looked after. Apparently, it is much easier to look after your children, when you feel like you are being looked after. IE - You need support. I realize that I have sought/found this in my partners rather than my parents, which doesn't work so well when he is in need of support from me.

I also have a better understanding of stress, cortisol, and how it is affecting my sleep and my cognitive function.. it certainly explains why I have difficulty figuring out a tip in a restaurant and making change, considering I have a major in finance and work with numbers! (which has been a huge struggle lately!) My friend and I -who is also suffering from similar side affects, (only from a concussion) were a hot mess this weekend... getting to and from the conference, lunch money and trying to retain the info. lol. Funny enough...we also both struggle with 'tip of the tongue syndrom' ... losing our words, which makes for an interesting conversation... but at least comfortable for us to sound like idiots to one another. Ha. I can laugh... because I know the end of the line is Kenya, which is just around the corner. Yes, this adoption is stressful, but it is the accumulative of some heavy business stressors, recent deaths, looking after ailing parents, etc... that eventually build up to more than one person can bare. Being in Kenya will eliminate one of our largest stressors  (our current business)... which will allow more room in my over flowing cup to deal with those that remain. Dan and I both need this time in Kenya for many reasons, as I see him struggling with his overfloweth cup as well.

I learned that I could be more indulgent to Muffin's sensitivities... sympathize with her more instead of taking the 'suck it up' approach. Did you know that there is a strong correlation to sensitive (and autism - the most sensitive child) and difficult births and or c-sections? My little Muffin had a very difficult time being birthed, and she is a sensitive child - which makes her so understanding and sympathetic of others, but also means that she can get her feelings hurt more easily. I look forward to giving her more of me emotionally, physically and every other way to help shield her heart.

I realized that my little man has a difficult time expressing his emotions. He has not said "I love you", for as long as I can remember, or "I'm scared", or "I'm sad" etc.... He 'wears' these emotions... but does not speak them. I don't know why I never took notice of this, probably because he is very emotionally grounded - in the sense that he is very affectionate, loving, nurturing etc. For the past couple days, I have worked with giving him more of my self - tighter hugs, longer cuddles and I have made sure to verbalize my feelings more with him. The first night all he could give me was a "Good love"... which meant Good night/ Love you, but last night I got a "Love you to moon and back", after I said, "Love you to the moon". I thought some outer space talk may encourage him! ;) It's important to ensure that we allow our boys to show emotion, have tears, fears etc., so that is something we will be working on facilitating.

On the side of adoption, I really got a chance to understand the roots of attachment. As I have been reading about adoption and attachment for a long time, I had the tools. I understood to get eye contact, to hand to mouth feed, to play, to hold.. and to allow scenarios happen that allow the adopted child to get their tears out, but I didn't fully understand why it is so important, and how their development depends on it.

I love self reflection... growing, learning and adding parenting tools to my tool box!

Dr. Neufeld also has DVD's, CD's etc... that you can order or perhaps borrow from your library or rent from your local movie store if reading is not your thing, as well as online courses!! I highly recommend that all parents, and even grandparents... check his stuff out! My weekend was worth every penny!

Addressing the 'problem' from a different angle.

Yet again, I was hit again with the 'typical' criticism, "The only problem I have with this (our adoption), is there are so many babies here in Canada who need homes."

My reaction this time was to ask who told him this. Who? Where did he get his information from? I was told the T.V.

Insert my explanation on the realities, the processes, the statistics, ... the facts. Some of which were...

"The Ministry of Children and Family Development has hundreds of children in its care who desperately need homes. They are known as BC's Waiting Children. These children are waiting for adoption for one of several reasons:

• They are older than 2
• They are part of a sibling group
• They were exposed to drugs or alcohol prenatally and have behavioural or learning disabilities
• They have suffered abuse or neglect
• They have lived in so many foster homes that they have difficulty attaching to a new family"

Excerpt taken from Sunrise's website. (Please note that I do know the above isn't always the case... it is just the statistic of the majority. I don't want to discourage anyone to adopt from Canada. These children deserve a home just as much as any other child. There have been some wonderful placements and families successfully built from the Ministry's waiting child.)

I didn't get into why it wasn't right for our family, as I soon realized that I wasn't being heard anyway...

However, after stewing on it... I think next time I will answer differently.

We want to adopt a child who needs a family. Does it really matter where that child comes from? Why should I adopt a child from Canada over anywhere else - are Canadian children more deserving?

Wait a second... let's turn this around again. We are adopting to give a child a family! Isn't that amazing!? The world will have one less child to go to bed without parents to tuck them in at night! We will be adding another child to our family...a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter! On that note... where on earth is there any room for any criticism? It's a positive thing... no room for negativity.

Why do people feel they have to find something to be critical about? Why can't they just be happy and encouraged that you want to do something good? What is that all about?

We ended the conversation with ... "You know this a big thing, it will change your life forever (I'm sure he meant in a negative way)..."
I replied with... "Yes, I know... that's the idea. Wouldn't the world be a different place if everyone did one 'big thing' like this, or at least made an effort to assist others in doing a 'big thing'?"

Coming undone...

Excuse the completely random post.

So you know that talk I had with 2011? Apparently, it didn't do any good.

We've been invited to a little cabin retreat a few hours from here... just to get away from the weekend. For the past 5 days though I've been battling a headache and my sinus infection is flaring up. I need to get this figured out. I thought I was on to it... noticing a pattern with my cycle. 1 in 4 women suffer from migraines and 75% of those women get them during their cycle - spurred on by hormone fluctuations. But... this sinus infection may also be the key to the problem - considering that I noticed this sinus infection just a day before my brain fart in Seattle. So, I've insisted on a Dr. appt today to try and get this sorted out so it doesn't ruin our little weekend getaway. (We have not had so much as a weekend holiday for over 14 months now!!... not for lack of trying though.)

Last night I had a terrible dream that Mikha got run over. I cried for what felt like hours in my dream... only to wake up and think oh good, it was just a dream to oh, but he is dead for real. Horrible.

Then I get a call from my sister early this am. My 25 yr old brother was being rushed to the hospital via ambulance as he just had a severe seizure. He had one previously in the fall, and has been waiting for tests. Today he was actually booked in for an EEG, and because of that - luckily he was at my Mom's house (as they suspended his license until his tests results), and she was there to call an ambulance. Having seen many seizures in her life, she says this is the worst she has ever seen. He is currently in Emerg. waiting for test results. If the news is not good, I will accompany my Dad on the 8 hour trip to Calgary. I think it snowed like 8 inches last night, and last I heard, highways were closed.

On a positive note however, we are doing a word of mouth local fundraiser... and I have been completely blown away by the support that we are seeing! I will write more on that later...

Good and bad, I think I have shed more tears in the last month than the last 2 years. I am an emotional wreck... and I see it in hubby too. I wish I could just hit the 'easy' button and transport to a quiet, tropical beach and sleep for 3 days. Rest, relax, rejuvenate, renew... you know, all that stuff - cause seriously, I think I'm hanging on by a thread.

Have you ever had trouble sitting on the toilet?

Pick me!

For 4 days to be exact. This was the start of my hate/hate relationship I have with Crossfit. I don't know if you have ever heard of it, or ever done it... but I'm here to warn you about it.

What is Crossfit?

CrossFit is the principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies and tactical operations teams, military special operations units, champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and professional athletes worldwide.

Sound scary enough? If not, a video says a thousand words...



Let me first tell you that I am NOT in great shape. I am no fitness guru. I do need to lose weight. I would love to lose 30 lbs. Although, I have not been that weight in like 10 years - but it's something I can certainly dream about!

Enter Crossfit into my life... A new gym opened in town and was offering free introductory classes. So a girlfriend of mine, and I decided to check it out. Well, I think we were caught off guard - to say the least. In fact... we can laugh now, but my GF didn't bring a water bottle or even running shoes (she had on converse street sheets) and she was sporting a tube top. Yep... no straps.

Well, I think just about died this day. We did 20 minutes of some hard enough stuff... leg lifts, jumping jacks etc... I was starting to get a good sweat on when she announced it was time for the warm up.

The what?

Warm up?

Are you freaking kidding me? What the heck did we just do?

'The pre-warm up'.....  Oh. my. goodness.

The warm up just about kicked my a$$ flat on the ground with planks, push ups, lunges etc...

Now we were ready for the work out! (Well, I was ready for my grave really...)

5 circuits of 15 squats followed by 400 KM's of running. We live in a mountain town... which means half is up hill. K. Seriously. I thought my legs or knees were going to just give out on me. I realized that I was no where near as strong as I thought I was, and squats are very difficult for me! My whole body was shaking trying to get into a squat by the end... My legs turned to rubber and I could hardly even recognize them as my own. It was like I was walking on noodles!

For 4 days following, I was seriously quite impaired physically. My poor quads burned and literally seized up. Living on top of the mountain, means that I not only have 2 flights of stairs in my house, but stairs outside that lead to my driveway which is a steep hill. I had to take every single step on a sideways angle, holding on to railing for any support I could get - and my steps down hill where also taken with a side shuffle accompanied by noises of pain. BUT... that was not the worst of it. The worst was sitting on the toilet and getting back up. I fully qualified for the raised toilet, grab bars and the whole nine yards - but no. All I had was my vanity and a low toilet. One hand on the counter top, the other on the side of the toilet as I would try to pull myself off of that throne. I tortured my bladder by making it hold copious amounts of urine... just to eliminate a trip down to the toilet.

Yes, I was a sad, sad sight.

Fast forward a few weeks... I still die. Every single class. But the soreness usually only lasts 2 days now. I have become familiar with strange poses, positions and weight lifting. I have a new work out vocabulary. Burpees, Wall Climbs, Kettlebell Swings, Sumo Squats... etc. And I still hate it. I wake up in the morning and think...Crap! Today is crossfit.... damn it!

Why do I hate it so much? Cause it is extremely hard! I hate it the entire time I do it... and I hate being sore afterwards. The only thing I enjoy is that moment when s/he says "End of class."

Well why would she keep going you ask? Because I'm damn stubborn and I hate the fact that it beats me. Every class... it wins, not me. I want to do it until I can do it, and do it well... and kick it's a$$ for a change!

A mundane update...

- Dan saw the surgeon on Monday. Surgeon indicated that surgery should be done this week. After not hearing back them from - I called this am. Finally after a round of phone calls to them from Dan and I, they said that it is scheduled for the 18th! Pardon me?! In all the literature and confirmed by the surgeon himself - surgery needs to be done immediately. The earlier- the most successful it is.
This is taken from www.ortho.org
"If more than three or four weeks have passed since the rupture, the surgeon will usually need to make a larger incision in the front of the elbow. Also, because the tendon will have retracted further up the arm, graft tissue will be needed in order to reconnect the biceps to its original point of attachment on the radial tuberosity. "
Did we not speak loud enough the last 3 times we stressed the fact that he needs his right arm to put food (and a baby!) on the table!? Sounds like I am going to have to rage WWIII on the system... seems to be my specialty anyway. Funny enough... Dan is so worked up about it, he went as far to specifically "challenge" me to take care of it! lol. I guess he thinks I'm not one to turn down or lose a challenge.

- We continue to wait for the AEP. In the interim... I am really struggling with choosing an agency. The agency that I initially really liked and had high hopes for - is $10-20k more than the other agencies! The 2 other agencies in the running, either have a 3-6 month wait list, or have not had many successful placements in Canada. One is in Florida (vacation!?) and the other is in Chicago (pizza?). 2 very different places. If I could custom make my own agency... it would be in Florida or Louisiana, they would have no wait list, they would be affordable and successful. Ha! If life were that simple! People keep telling me that you'll know - the agency will just feel right. Pffft. Either I over analyze everything, or none of these agencies are right. I wish I had that feeling. My brain is doing the work though... I am trying not to involve my heart in this decision making process. The only really motivating factor to me is timing. Seriously, bringing home a newborn is not an option in 2 yrs. Now or never. My children are getting older and older... I really don't want too big of a gap. Sigh... it's days like these where I struggle with the "why the heck I am not just having a child?".

- It's April 6th... and it's snowing today. I sent a shout out to Mother Nature on facebook just in case she did not receive the bulletin that it is in fact spring!
Something I forgot to explain to her...
"I am purely motivated and charged by the sun... and my sunny disposition may become much sunnier if you actually come out and shine on me. I'm wilting away in the darkness of my dungeon. (My office in the basement)."

Distal Bicep Rupture

Yes, my husband has gone and done it. Tore his big 'ol bicep fully off the tendon like this:

And now his bicep has retracted up his arm and looks like a big soft lump at the top of his arm, while the lower part of his arm (by elbow) is small and indented from where the muscle once was. It is gross. The emergency room Dr. has ordered emergency surgery for him as soon as they can fit him in. Recovery is typically a 6 week cast, followed by 12 weeks of physio.

This is a bit hard to take given the fact that he is a contractor and needs his muscles to put food on the table! He keeps telling me (being the make lemonade from lemon type of guy), that something good will come out of it. Unfortunately, this is really bad timing with the financing of the adoption... but what can you do!?

You wanna know how he did it? He was taking Muffin to gymnastics yesterday, when I remembered last minute that it was parent watch night. I have been to several of these, so I asked if he could just attend since he was already driving her. In previous "watch nights"... parents "watched", not participated! Well Dan, being the crazy, spontaneous person he is, decided it would be fun to have a challenge with Muffin and see if he could do everything she could. I think he forgot that she has been training for 4 years... and he didn't even warm up. The 360 somersault rotation on the rings is what did him in! He heard a loud pop and almost vomited from the instant pain, although he hid it well from everyone. He called me on the way home to tell me what he had done... laughing. What a guy.

Everyone keeps asking me if this an April Fools Day joke... I wish. I will see if I can get a good picture of it.
In the interim... we wait for the call for surgery. Hopefully sooner than later.

Spring, where art thou?

It is spring break, and now we have sprung forward. I am having a very difficult time springing this one! It just doesn't feel right when 2 feet of snow remains in my back yard and we hardly are able to catch a glimpse of the sun! The poor squirrel in our backyard has succumbed to literally damn near begging for food as I am sure his winter supply is depleted. I bought him a bag of peanuts... which he seems very grateful for.

So, I am burying my head in my paperwork and I have acquired a new hobby - sewing! - making really cute baby stuff. I'll post some photos and instructions hopefully this week.


Hopefully spring will make an appearance sooner than later.

Why I Blog (*with tiny disclaimer*)

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am confident. I have nothing to hide. I take ownership of my actions and who I am.

Blogging allows me to connect with other adoptive parents. Adoption is an incredibly difficult process and reading adoption blogs has already helped me along in this process. Adoption blogs provide information, and insight that you can't get anywhere else. They confirm that you are not alone in your thoughts, emotions and experience. Blogging is a portal for friends and family to support you and cheer you on through this process. It allows them to be a part of the journey that will bring their Granddaughter, niece, cousin, or little buddy home.

Blogging is a way for me to de-stress and get it off my chest, akin to journalling.

Blogging about adoption is to raise awareness... and help others find their way to their journey. On that note, once this adoption is complete, it is my goal to give back to Africa via missions, fundraising etc. I need readers to make it successful!

*Enter Disclaimer*
Although, I am quite aware that I am "putting it all out there" for the world to see - and quite content with that - , it does not grant anyone permission to tell us how to live our lives or offer unsolicited negatively toned advice or opinions. Welcomed here, with any thoughts and feedback, is fellow adopted parents, and supportive friends and family.

Read my blog for no other reason than because you like what I have to say or have an honest interest in our journey... *Exit Disclaimer*

I appreciate all those who do follow along with me on this journey... I hope my blog can one day provide you an ounce of information and support that I have received from reading your blogs and those of others.

My promise to you is to keep it real and honest. I will also keep it public for as long as possible. There may be a time where I have to become very vague about the country or details about our child... but only for the safety of the child and the adoption process/travel in country. However, if you know me or shoot me off a message - you will likely get more details than you needed! Also, obviously... I am trying to keep agency info etc. under the radar, but have no problems disclosing that information as well if you send me a message.

Please... don't hesitate to leave your comments, I love to hear your thoughts and see where you all (y'all?) are from. ;)

Blessings,

Jolene

War on the pantry moth!

I have been battling these darn things for years! It all started with a batch of hemp seeds. All I wanted was a little nutritious salad topper, and I ended up with a pantry infestation.

Since that time, I only store food in airtight containers and I do weekly pantry scrubs. If you don't properly store your food, they will find a way in. I have had to throw out 3 brand new bags of rice because they have gotten in when they have not even been opened!

I have learned that they love nuts and seeds the best, and are not fond of spices or tea. I have also learned that if you can get rid of the food source, they simply cannot survive. However, they. are. clever! Just when I thought I got rid of them, they turned up in my daughters room. Food source - an old bag of hamster treats that she had stored in her bedside drawer. So we did a culling and a cleaning. They disappeared again... only to come back. Where? In my office that is in the basement! Food source - a couple almonds left in a bag that got pushed behind a stack of envelopes. Culled and cleaned. They came back a couple more times at no ones fault other than my own... bird seed that I thought would be okay because it had a ziploc closure. After properly storing the bird seed, I also took a tip from my neighbor and applied stickers to all the holes in my pantry walls. (You know the holes for moving the shelves... apparently they get in behind these holes and that's why you can't get rid of them!) So today, I saw a little bugger flying around my office. I swatted him and then started another thorough cleaning. Food source: A Reeses peanut butter wrapper.

I guarantee you... I hardly left a crumb of that one little peanut butter cup behind! But yet... they have somehow found enough to feed off. Once you find a moth... you need to locate his larva friends. But, remember - they are clever! This is what I found:(Iphone quality - sorry) Can you see them?

How about a close up?

So, I open the sucker up (which has never been opened before!)... and find this hidden inside:

I told you they were clever right?! They have been winning this war for 2 years now. I would love it if anyone had any advice... or ideas... Is there anything I can do that I haven't already haven't done!? I have also found larva cocooned (as in the photos) in my folded fleece sheets that are in the linen closet. Not near any food source. They were much smaller than normal. I don't know if they got desperate and took to eating fleece? I hope they aren't evolving, the damn things!

**Side adoption note - First home study is TODAY! Yippee!

55 Random Things about ME

I just uncovered a list I wrote on Facebook a couple years ago... I found it interesting and thought you may too! I added a couple more... and may eventually get to one hundred.

1. I am the oldest sibling of 6.
2. My biggest fault is my need to be in control served up with a side of perfectionism... I guess I am a true "Leo".
3. My favorite colour is green and pink, but most of my wardrobe is brown... it is the new black after all!
4. I need to read before I go to sleep at night.
5. I once bred Cockroaches... yes it's true, even Madagascar Hissers!
6. I also bred Silkworms.
7. If people new me they would find that strange, as I USED to be very afraid of moths and butterflies... now I just prefer them to be under 3 inches before they land on me...eeeww.
8. I love sushi.
9. I love to cook, the more gourmet and challenging... the better!
10. I suck at baking, because I find following a recipe very challenging, as I always tweak recipes when I cook - and that does not work with baking!
11. I had an appendectomy when I was 35 weeks pregnant with Mister.
12. My feet are a size 6.5 - 7.. and I cannot wear a heel without a heel strap as my foot would fall off the shoe - darnit!
13. I love shoes... you will never be too fat to wear your shoes!
14. I love to travel in my shoes... I want to see the world!
15. I love my son's "cuddlies" in the morning.
16. I love the smell of lemons and eucalyptus...
17. My daughter makes me beam with pride.
18. My life goal is to adopt not only a child, but Africa into my heart. 19. The only food I cannot eat is olives... yuck!
20. I have a strange attraction to men with long hair.
21. I am going to do my best to take up a new sport this spring... perhaps Squash.
22. I have a really great Spaghetti Squash recipe if anyone wants it!
23. I eat vegetables people may have never heard of or would never buy... rapini, kale, swiss chard and bok choy to name a few...
24. Sitting here now I realize that I forgot to eat lunch today and that might explain why I keep coming back to the topic of food!
25.I think my husband is the best husband in the world, not because I am biased... he just really is.
26. We are organic junkies, I try to provide my children with the best nutrition possible. I hate that we can't always afford to buy organic meat.
27. When I was in High School, I wanted to become a social worker and work in an adoption agency. How ironic is that?
28. I ended up going for Business Administration, because I became concerned that if I were to become a social worker, I would end up with 12 children and working for free.
29. The first time I ever went skiing with my husband, I totally stuck my ski tips in the hill, and the chair ran us over.
30. I am now scared of departing a chair on the chairlift.
31. When I was 15, my BFF and I pierced our belly buttons ourselves!
32. I don't have any tattoos, and I would need a REALLY good reason to ever get one... not just because I think daisies are pretty.
33. I really dislike my current business/working position and constantly look for discractions to get me out of work.
34. I peel a banana the right way - not like monkeys do, despite my husband's efforts to prove that monkeys are professional banana peelers.
35. My husband is 13 yrs older than me. That freaked me out at first, but I fell in love with his maturity and charisma. He exuded chivalry in ways that no man of the age of 25 could!
36. I now realize that wasn't necessarily a product of his age, but just who he is.
37. I LOATHE it when fellow Facebookers deny you access to their wall. What is the point of being my friend on facebook? Obviously, you either have something to hide, or we are not close enough - and therefore you should just "un-friend" me!
38. I also don't like when people emotionally unload a facebook rant about their "baby's sperm donor not paying the child support that month" etc... Please have the respect for your child not to diss on a public forum about their bio parent. It is so immature and tacky.
39. I do not work out as much as I should - I plan to change that.
40. I can skip meals all the time without it bothering me.
41. I realize that not eating regularly really hinders any weightloss efforts.
42. I love gardening... esp. tomatoes. I get such great satisfaction out of growing my own food!
43. Yes, I am a soccer Mom with minivan to boot. Honestly, once you go minivan you will never look at another vehicle again.
44. If I won the lottery, I would pay of all our debt... and travel the world doing missionary work along the way.
45. I procrastinate doing laundry.
46. My favorite cake is carrot cake with cream cheese icing the way my Mom makes it. No one can make it the same.
47. I feel bad for killing insects or mice... I will take them outside if I'm in charge. (I know... they will only come back, but still I can't do it.)
48. I once had 2 chameleons for pets, and that is why I bred the roaches and silkworms.
49. My children are the center of my universe.
50. My toothpaste does not contain flouride - I refuse to use it.
51. My all time guilty pleasure is watching the Bachelor or the Bachelorette!
52. It drives me nuts when people cannot accept scientific fact ie) global warming has been confirmed and organic is better for you. What would be the consequence of believing this? You may start recycling and eat an apple with no insecticides/pesticides - that would just be TERRIBLE!
53. I am currently in a state of confusion in this adoption process... how many, what country... etc. I need God to speak to me!
54. I do not like my cats or anyone/thing else in my office - they always seem to make a bigger mess of it than what it already is.
55. I am researched obsessed -One example- my friends will tell you that to buy a carseat etc., I will have to compile a 50 page report of research on which one is the safest and best to buy and why. And then I will hand out the report to anyone I feel could make use of it, then it drives me bonkers when they don't heed the advice and carelessly (in my mind) make a purchase decision. Which brings me back to #2. Hmmm mmm.

... so that's a little quirky peek into my oddball brain. Hope it didn't scare you off!

EYE am infected!

Isn't this pretty!? I developed this infection on Saturday night. Dan's sister and brother in law were out visiting us, and we were out for a nice dinner, but had to cut the post dinner cocktails short as I was afraid of freaking people out with my eyeball. This is what it looked like right before bed, and I wish I could show you what it looked like when I woke up! It was nasty! It was almost swollen shut, bright red and the white of my eye was swollen past the cornea... it looked like jelly. Gross. Needless to say, I went to Emergency. I got quite a few looks! The nurses and doctor were quite impressed. The nurse said it was the worst infection she had ever seen and the Doctor called it "very impressive". She gave me a prescription for oral antibiotics, but because I had cold on that same side of my head (odd I know), I was pretty sure it was from the cold. So... I waited it out and it did eventually go down - however, that night the same thing started in the other eye. Dan got me some polysporin drops, and that seems to be keeping it from getting out of control like my left eye did. If you were to see me right now... you'd see 2 puffy, seepy, bright red eyes worthy of glowing in the dark I'm sure.

Hubby asked me for his passport at 5am this morning, and I was literally fumbling through my night stand blind because my eyes were so caked! Yuck. I'm praying for sunshine today so I can hide behind some sunglasses!

On my mind...

Sick with the flu and have spent the day on the couch thinking about the abandoned children in the world. A memory that I had long ago forgotten about, came back to spend the day with me.

When I was 35 weeks pregnant with Mister, I had an Appendectomy (that's a whole other post I'll save for later!). Because I was pregnant, I spent my hospital stay on the maternity floor. I was the only woman on this floor that did not have a new born baby. The woman I roomed with was recovering from a c-section, and I woke everytime her baby needed a feed. I didn't mind... I was so in "Mommy" zone... all I wanted to do was to hold and nurture an infant. My baby at home (Muffin) was 16 months old and an hour away. I missed her dearly and found myself just craving to "Mother". One evening as I walked down the hall, I saw a bassinet beside the nursing desk. I found it odd that it wasn't in the nursery, or in the Mother's room. I peeked in and saw the most beautiful little baby boy. He literally took my breath away. The nurse noticed me admiring this little angel and gave me a smile. "He's adorable." I said.
"Yes, he's pretty special isn't he." I gazed at him for a few more moments and went back to my room.

The next morning, I was doing my rounds past the nursery again and I noticed this little angel being rocked in the nursery by an older hospital volunteer. I knew something wasn't right. I looked over and noticed the nurse I spoke with the night before. I decided to just put it out there... "Is the baby's Mother ill?" I asked.
"His birth Mother left 2 days ago." My heart immediately broke for this little prince. Upon further inquiry I was told that they thought this infant may have FAS.

Later that afternoon, as the nurse was doing her rounds, I asked (almost begged) if I could look after the abandoned infant... I explained that I had nothing else to do, and I would love to feed him, or rock him to sleep. She apologized and explained that only hospital staff and certified volunteers were allowed to care for the babies.
I spent the rest of my stay walking the hallways, trying to catch a glimpse of him and love on him from a distance.

Today, he would be 6 yrs old. I wonder if he found a family to love him and rock him to sleep. His Mother was a lady of the streets and he was likely exposed to not only alcohol but drugs as well. Despite his unfortunate start, he was beautiful - a gift from God, and he deserved to be loved.

New Years Resolution #2

Get Healthy

What is it with us as consumers that we feel like we need material things to achieve our goals? If only I had this, I could become this? I am guilty, I admit - I am really bad for this.
I splurged on getting a elliptical machine. Well... not really - it was a heck of a deal at 60% off after Christmas, and I really needed it after all! lol. In all seriousness though - I save on the gym pass, and get to work out in the convenience of my home - which allows me more time in the office.
Dan and the kids and I put it together - 2 hrs later... we get to turn it on it and Muffin and I tried the fan out, the heart monitor and then plugged in the iPhone (into the elliptical!!) and rocked it to Rehab! lol... watching Muffin singing and dancing around to that song was priceless.
Tomorrow the first work out of the year starts... with the weight I put on over our vacation and the Xmas holidays - some weight loss is in order. I hope to chronicle the loss along the way... this blog will hold me accountable!

Adding to the menagerie...

2 baby red eared sliders.... Why? Because the kids wanted them, and we were crazy enough to allow it. Adding to our 2 cats, 2 dogs, Quaker parrot and 10 hermit crabs. Nutz! What the hell were we thinking? Well... they are damn cute for starters! The one problem is that these little guys can get up to 12" long! I'll need a spare bath tub to house them for crying out loud!

Anyway, here are some pics of "Sam" and "Sarah" (named by the kids).

 To the left here is a picture of the turtle chasing one of the guppies we put in there. They are so comical, the dart after the fish so clumsily, just like a toddler.

House showing...

We had a showing yesterday, despite the fact that we have not been listed for a few months now. One of the realtors called and asked if they could show it.
No, Dan is still not finished the renos. We know this is our largest roadblock in selling, so that is why we pulled it off the market. We are hoping to relist in a couple of weeks. HOPEFULLY, the renos will be finished. I'll take some before and after photos and post them.

Here is a pic of our house and ...............over here is a pic of the house we have already started to build.

This is the year we would like to finish it... so hopefully, we can sell our big brown beast this spring!

Sleep, or lack thereof...

http://www.cartoonstock.com/ Okay, I am going to layout the weekend sleeping situation in my house. First, some background...

Myself - light sleeper, no bad sleeping habits. I get the chills at the sound of grinding teeth.

Dan - Snores, talks, walks and chews in his sleep and grinds his teeth.

Mr. Man - Does not ever sleep straight in a bed, nor does he sleep under the blankets. Starting to talk and grind his teeth in bed. Xtreme kungfu kicker in bed.

Muffin - Grinds her teeth at least 20 times a night (and I wake up every time!).

Mikha - 9 yr old lab x collie, starting to snore.

Koda - 8 month old collie x australian sheppard, loves to sleep on the bed and lick your feet and ears.
Sugar - 9 yr old cat... loves to knead on anything soft... usually the children.

Spice - 9 yr old cat... LOVES to sleep right above my head, and purrs louder than a John Deere tractor.

Weekends mean: all of this in one King size bed. I get a orchestra of talking, grinding and snoring, compounded by a painful kidney massage by Mr. Man, several visits by Spice who's purr is loud enough to cause an avalanche, crying children because Sugar is digging her claws into their bellies, Muffin complaining of being cold, as Mr. Man is laying on the blankets, and a special suprise last night - Mr. Man got diarrhea twice in the middle of the night! - then Koda wakes us all us up bright and early with kisses in the ear.

I do get to sleep in on the weekend mornings... after all, the only sleep I get is after they all leave the bed!
It's a school day tomorrow and children are in their own beds tonight (until around 2am, when Mr. Man sneaks in), so hopefully I will achieve some sleep tonight!