Overrated Turkey. (the bird, not the country)

7 yrs ago (almost to the day), I sat miserably, very sick with the flu in a small family room adjacent to the Special Care Unit where my newborn baby boy was being looked after. This is a whole other story. One that I should really document before the memories escape me... but the short of it is that he had a bad case of jaundice and an infection. While I had been discharged, he had to stay to recieve around the clock light therapy for a week.

Despite being plagued by a terrible flu, I had insisted that he room in with me as I was really struggling to nurse him because the nurses kept shoving bottles in him. On top of that, I had my 17 month old baby at home an hour away. I had never spent a single night away from her before. I missed her terribly and cried when she wouldn't even so much as look at me when they came to visit. (She was so mad at me!) Although we had family that offered to help look after Muffin here and there, my poor husband was left to try and hold everything together and having to balance his work, with looking after Muffin and his sick wife and newborn that were an hour away. It was not a good time for any of us.

It was during this week that I was notified that we were to host Dan's family Christmas. It was all I could do to muster the strength to get myself dressed and fed after taking care of a newborn who required feedings on the dot at every third hour, followed by 45 minutes of pumping - all while being so sick. Unfortunately, I didn't get any nursing care at this time, or food. No catering to the Mom, I was a guest. Pout. :'( I had no help, and I have to admit ... I only ate what Dan brought me from the cafeteria every night. He would bring me extra stuff that would keep with no refrigeration and I would nibble on it during the day. (Literally because I was just too sick to seek out the cafeteria on my own!) I was forced to eat cheese by the slice for breakfast (and I do not like cheese on it's own!), and lunch was usually a granola bar and a apple sauce. Just  writing this is bringing back all the emotion. *Sniff. I was a sad state. ( I would never have admitted it to anyone though - but it was a low for sure.)...

Wow, to get back on track - SO, as I was saying - It was all I could do to look after myself and the baby, let alone conceive of hosting a dinner for 16. I think I cried for most of the day when I was told this. I was lacking strength, sleep, and sanity to even imagine how I would pull off a turkey dinner for that many people in our small 1200 sq. foot condo, with a table that sat 6, dinnerware for 8, a frequent nursing newborn and a 17 month tugging at me.

Looking back on it, springing this news on a 3 day postpartum Mom who's baby is sick in the hospital was probably not the best idea. I likely would have been better to digest it, had it been at least 2 weeks postpartum. Looking back on it, I should have stood up for myself and just said no. But I didn't... and the worry and the anxiety stayed with me for quite awhile.

As I was crying the blues to my old boss a couple weeks later, her sister had overheard. Her sister was a caterer. She offered to cook the dinner for me at cost of the price of the turkey. She was my Christmas Angel that year. I eagerly accepted and tossed out any and all concern I had about how well my turkey secret would be recieved by the family. This was really the best that I could do with what I had... and this was the only way turkey would get to any plate.

Luckily, we had found out that a party room was available for rent in our condo complex and it was complete with a kitchen! All I had to do was set the table, prepare the mashed potatoes, and a veggie side dish, (as 2 others were being brought in by the family)... and that was it.

Let me tell you, this was the best Christmas ever. I was able to sit and relax, look after my babies and just take it all in. It was so nice to actually be 'present' for the games, and the gift openings instead of running all over to check the turkey, make gravy etc.

I have played the turkey rigamarole for 5 years straight now, and it always follows a Christmas Eve where my apron does not come off - sitting is not an option, as I pull one appetizer after another out of the oven - from noon to 10 pm. Needless to say, I'm a bit pooped by Christmas morning... and I always struggle to get back into my apron and do it all over again.

This year... we are doing something different. I don't know what, but I have promised myself a year off. No turkey. I will do the Christmas Eve appies, as it has become a tradition and I do enjoy it... but I am taking Christmas day off to spend with my children. Yay! That feels so good. I want to be able to wake up to my Coffee con Baileys (or Baileys con Coffee... ha!), watch the kids open their presents, and then I am not going to stuff no bird. No sir. I am going to help my kids put together their new toys, try out their new sleds etc and build a huge snowman. Then, I'm going to make some hot chocolate... sit by the fire and snuggle up with my family.

I don't care if someone chooses to take over the Turkey Chef role, if it is catered, if we order pizza or if we heat up one of these:

I really don't care. Turkey is so overrated. You spend 6 hours cooking and slaving over the stove and at least an hour cleaning, all for 20 minutes of eating. The benefits just do not support the effort required. In my mind anyway!

To all those Mom's out there who are captives to their stoves on Christmas day... I urge you to abolish Turkey slaving for one year! Just one year. Take it off. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your family. Enjoy your children.

Heavy Heart

Yesterday I re-visited the movie `Child of Rage` on Youtube.



I then watched the documentary and chilling interviews with Beth Thomas. (the `child`of rage).



I then learned that a local little girl would soon be set free to fly with the Angels. Anaya is a 2 yr old who was diagnosed with Infantile Krabbe Leukodystrophy, a terminal brain disease.



She is currently in a Vancouver hospital on breathing support... waiting for her Daddy to arrive so he can `Goodbye` to his sweet baby. You can read her blog here, or check out her FB page here.

And if that wasn`t enough... I went to bed and read Street Children of Kenya.

Needless to say, I didn`t sleep all that well.

Today...

I made a small donation to Anaya`s family.

I learned that Beth Thomas has healed from RAD and is no longer a `Child of Rage`, but a nurse and an amazing speaker on attachment. She has created a DVD set - More Than a Thread of Hope

And today, I said a prayer for Anaya and her family, children of RAD, and the street children of Kenya.

And now I am ready for some lighthearted, uplifting activity. The sun is shining... and I am ready to embrace this day with family. ;)

My Laundry Secret - Green Series

I have always planned on making my own laundry detergent... but have found a much better alternative!

"Soap nuts are dried fruit berries that fall from the soapberry tree (Sapindus Mukorossi) found in Northern India and Nepal. Their outer shells contain saponin, which creates a natural soap when agitated in water - use them in place of traditional detergents and fabric softeners. They effectively clean, soften and remove odors from your laundry - naturally! They have been used for centuries as a natural way to clean laundry and much more!"


I know terrible video... but covers all the facts. ;)

If you keep an eye on any of the steal websites... you can get these for really cheap. (Like 20 cents a load!)
http://www.greenbabybargains.com/  is where I got mine from Yoreganics - for 50%, which turns out to be under 20 cents a load! I have heard that you can also purchase them on the Shopping Channel for under 10 cents a load!

1 kg bag would replace 9-32 load plastic bottles of detergent! If your still not convinced Read This:

The Benefits of Soap Nuts

If you're not yet convinced of their benefits or how to use soap nuts, the following information should answer some of your questions:

• Sustainable: It's a renewable resource, easily grown organically.
• All Natural: No funky or harmful ingredients.
• "Green": Less processing, less energy and less packaging.
• Affordable: They can replace multiple cleaners, and last longer.
• Reusable: Each berry can be used up to 6 times before it's spent.
• Hypoallergenic: No skin or respiratory irritation and non-toxic.
• Not Actually Nuts: They're totally safe for those with nut allergies.
• Simple: Throw them in your wash or make a simple liquid detergent.
• Odorless: But you can always add your own essential oils.
• Gentle: Their mild nature won't damage delicate clothing or surfaces.
• No Fabric Softener: They naturally soften your fabrics!
• Save Water: They rinse easier so require less water.
• Save Energy: You can use a shorter rinse cycle in your laundry, too.
• Front-loading Friendly: No suds are perfect for HE machines.
• Works in Any Temperature: Use them in cold, warm or hot water.
• Non-polluting: 100% biodegradable and safe for graywater systems.
• Compostable: Used shells can be thrown in your compost.
• Self-sufficient: You can even grow a soap nut tree yourself!
• Countless Uses: Look below for a few ideas on how to use soap nuts in your own home.

Remember - Foto Friday

Watercolour by 'Mister' - age 4

Disrupted Adoption - Infant Adoption

I have felt the urge to write about this a few times now... and have always decided not to - in a conscience effort to not judge others. Especially considering I am not even an adoptive parent. (yet!) However, after receiving 3 notices from a waiting child site about 3 separate instances of disrupted adoptions in the last 3 weeks... my tongue no longer has any fiber left to bite.

Below, is one of the listings that was sent to me. I don't know any details other than those provided in this excerpt.

* "Mark" is a 4 yr. old boy who was adopted in the U.S. at age 3 weeks. His adoption is disrupting and a new home must be found.  "Mark" was born drug and alcohol exposed and currently has some delays especially in expressive language.

A home is being sought for "Mark" where he is the youngest child.  'Mark''s adoptive parents gave birth to a son after they adopted "Mark", and "Mark" is too controlling and tends to bully his brother.  "Mark" is good with animals, likes water sports and picture books. Maybe you can be that family who can give "Mark" the home he needs.

One of the reasons I have to comment, is this is not an isolated incident. I have heard the exact same story happen to a little boy in Canada... and I'm sure there are many more out there.


Goodness gracious... this poor, poor child!!


Here is what I don't understand. How do you adopt an itty bitty little baby... feed, clothe, bathe, love, and parent a child for 4 yrs and then decide that it's not working out for you? How does this work...? I'm trying really hard to be understanding and consider there may have been many other issues going on.... But still, I come up empty handed with a reason of how on earth this is acceptable in the regards to a newborn adoption! In both the newborn adoption disruption cases I heard of, the adoption was followed by a pregnancy.


I understand that in the case of older adoptions, attachments aren't as easy and the bonding takes a very long time. But in the case of a 3 week old baby!? A baby that you spent endless nights rocking, while holding him close to your heart. A baby who's first smile made your day. The baby you read to and played endless games of 'smell the stinky feet' because it made him giggle so. The baby you celebrated the first steps of, the first birthday, first tooth and the first "Mama"! The toddler who's pitter patter footsteps filled your home with laughter. The toddler who cried on Santa's lap and sobbed for an hour while you consoled him with a candy cane. The toddler who gave you the mushiest, wettest kisses. The toddler who loved to curl up on your lap and fall asleep with his blanket, while sucking his thumb. The child you taught to ride a tricycle, and put on his own socks! The child who made you a homemade Mother's day card embossed with a stamp of his tiny hand print. The child you took to his first day of preschool... and he was so happy to see you and excited to take you by the hand and show you all the wonderful things he learned. HOW? How do you throw that all way and give him up?

Source

I'm having a really tough time here, and I have revised this 5 times now. I don't want to come off as harsh... but honestly, this really upsets me. I feel as though this child's fate was sealed the minute his parents discovered they were pregnant. Perhaps they never thought they could ever get pregnant - and viewed adoption as a second choice instead of the best choice - I don't know. But somehow, somewhere... along the line, this poor baby became second best to a infant born from his Mother's womb. She didn't love him the same that the she loved her biological son. I don't know how or why... but it happened. If he had been born from her womb, he would have stood a chance. When he became jealous, bossy or aggressive with his younger sibling... she would have worked it out. After all, most all biological siblings go through this anyway! But for some reason, she always had the thought in the back of her mind that this child did not have a permanent place within the family... and was not as valued, therefore - he could be let go. Given up, so they could live in harmony with their biological baby without being overshadowed by a troubled child who required a little more love and attention.

I can't help but think what damage this is doing to this little boy.

I know there are certain extreme cases involving RAD, where parents don't have a choice and are forced to disrupt the adoption. These cases are fortunately rare. 


What we as adoptive parents have to understand is that it isn't going to be easy. The road is rocky and you will hit some serious ruts.  There is risk. Guaranteed, their ages will not be right. (The latest disrupted adoption was partially due to miscalculated ages.) And guaranteed - it is not going to be a walk in the park!

The wrong type of adoptive parent is the one who reads adoption fluff and has envisioned their adoption to be a little boy sliding down a rainbow with doves singing softly in the background. These are the parents that are completely caught off guard when in walks a troubled child with horns growing out of his head. A child who intentionally pees on the Persian rug, soils his pants, scribbles on your new duvet with your Dior lipstick, spits on you, steals food and splits his brother's lip open with his head because he took his toy. A boy who, suffering from trauma, is just trying to cope the best way he knows how. A boy who needs to be coaxed with lots of love and perseverance to break down his barriers...so he can learn to trust again.

This is exactly why I advocate for more truth on adoption blogs! Surprisingly, many people don't read books... and I have come across many adoptive parents who haven't read any adoption or attachment books. Most adoptive parents scour the internet however and read blogs. If more adoptive parents were bold, and honest... and spelled out the good with the bad, then more adoptive parents would be aware. The more aware they were of the potential problems, the better prepared they would be to handle it. The better prepared they would be, the less chance of their adoption failing. Don't you agree?

*(The name of the adoptive child has been changed. If you are interested in more information on this little boy, please email me on the right and I will steer you in the right direction!)

While You Were Sleeping

Mister

 

While You Were Sleeping

by Tara Simms

 

While you were sleeping, I sat by your bed. I watched you as you smiled through your dreams. I traced your perfect shell ear, Touched every curl On your little head. I tried to sleep But the sound of your breathing Drew me back to your room. I couldn't resist The magic which tugged At my heartstrings And brought me to your side. I settled on the floor Once again. Back against the wall, Holding your tiny hand in mine. While you were sleeping I fell in love with you all over again. Muffin From the time my children were infants, I loved watching them sleep. As I gaze into their little sleeping faces, it is easy for me to recall their infanthood, and note their innocence. There is something so amazing about a sleeping a child. (More than the fact that the house is quiet and serene! ;) A sleeping face reminds me how precious they are... and how lucky I am to have to have them in my life. This is how I found them, the other night. So cute, how they sleep exactly the same!

He's my Super Hero and I'm his Evil Witch...

Yes, I have a Caregiver for a husband. No, not on a professional level... just on a personal level.

He devotes himself to looking after others. No, there are no qualifications... you just need to come across his path!

He is the guy who will give the shirt off his back in a January snowstorm in the middle of the Arctic. (And honestly that is likely an understatement - he would probably take his pants off too...)

Obviously, this is one of the largest reasons I was attracted to him!

He is often described as the nicest person anyone knows. I don't think he has one enemy! You can't 'not like' this man! (like my double negative?)

The problem is...

Often, he doesn't take care of himself.

and

Often, he gets taken advantage of or used.

However - he is also the type of person who's glass is always full even when it clearly is half full ( or empty ) - that would NEVER acknowledge that this happens.

His motto is quite admirable in that, at the end of the day he wins - because helping others makes him happy and happiness is the most important thing. (But at what cost?)

Walk in human, realist me (witch)...  and everything has a value. Yes, happiness is the greatest thing of all! However, other things do need looking after as well... or they will start to overflow in your cup of happiness and turn it rancid. I'm sorry... but that's just reality. There needs to be a healthy balance.

Sometimes, we (being me and the children)... catch a bit of rancid dribble overflow. Over the years, we have learned to support him and are so lenient that we can do double back bends... BUT... still, every now and then - I have to be the reality check (aka Witch). It's not a nice job... in fact it probably doesn't do anything for my positive thinking program, as I feel like I have to do all the negative thinking. With a cackle and a point of a finger... I am the bubble burster!

FACT - If this man of mine had no wife or children - he would spend the rest of his life serving others. He wouldn't need anything to call his own - and what he did have, he would give away. And when that ran out - I could even go as far to say that he would go into debt to give more. Why that sounds almost like a Munk... okay, so yes... my man would be a Munk... a  Super Hero Munk.

Over the years, I have seen some pretty wild and crazy things that my man has done for others... sometime at the expense of himself in more ways than one.

When I met him... he was spending 50% of his free time doing 'honey do' lists  and favors for others. Why? Ummm... not because they couldn't do it themselves, or afford to hire someone - simply, because they asked. Unfortunately though - these were not one time favors - they were numerous and frequent. They obviously manifested from a one time favor to a full fledged small book of favors. Sometimes, he would even have to travel quite a long way to complete these 'honey do's and sometimes, one task could take all day and cost him out of pocket expenses. But, he can't say no - it's just not his nature.

Now if it were me, I'd be like - "Excuse me? You want me to unplug your crap filled toilet...?! (..And you are completely capable!?) Seriously?! Are you flippin nuts!? Umm... I think I will let you unplug your own toilet... thanks for the offer though!"  or... "Perhaps I can recommend a good plumber...?" No, I don't think that makes me a Witch! - I think that makes him too nice! Is there such a thing though? No. (Yes!)
(Yes, this is a true story! He has done this - and on more than one occasion. A testament to his undying service as a Super Hero.)

Everyone thinks my man is rich. Why? Because he spends it (on others) like he gots it! (like my bad grammar?) He's not only at your service - but he will foot the bill too! It doesn't mean that he can afford it. It simply means that he doesn't want to ask you for it. He's being nice.

My man has, no doubt built an entire house in favors, from landscaping, to tiling the bathroom floors, to installing the toilets, to hanging the screen doors and picture frames! However, he has never lived in a house that is complete. By complete, I mean all the painting done, lights installed, and baseboard applied etc... This is a 2 part equation - partly because he is always busy helping everyone else with their projects, and partly because he will not ask anyone for help. Ever.

The sad thing is that really, he shouldn't need to ask them for help... they should be at our door offering! (Quiet.. lil Witch..;-)

We have learned - okay I have learned - (the children grew up with it) to just accept it and roll with it.

This is a daily thing for him... not just a weekly thing - daily.

Let me just summarize one of his days. Saturday. We have an appointment to drive to a town that is just over an hour away to pick up a hospital bed for his Father. However, this is also the only day that anything is ever open here - so we also have to get all household chores and errands on this day as well.

 Let me back up by saying that our dogs and cats have also been without food for a week. Our pet store here closes at 5:30 every day - and typically I get it, however - Dan, being the nice guy he is - has lent his company vehicle to a staff member who doesn't have a vehicle. (See a trend here?) So now he has to drive my vehicle. This then forced him to have to pick up a can of pet food every night... thinking that he would have time the following day to buy the food.

Okay - so Saturday am, he takes Mister to hockey first thing in the am. He comes home and quickly tells me that he is going to go help the Boy Scouts clean up the hall as they will certainly need his truck to go to the dump. (Parents are supposed to rotate their volunteering support - but this is the 3rd Saturday in a row that he has been the main volunteering presence there. He is the one that gets things done. He knows it, and therefore feels more obligated to go.)

Okay, I thought... as I recall that I was unable to walk down the steps in my garage for all the bags of recycling and garbage that have built up.

 I let him know he has to be back at 1, so we can go get his Dad's bed. 1 oclock, he arrives back and we quickly run to make our 3pm pickup. We get back in town around 4:30 and he calls one of his employees to ask him if he would like a ride home. Confused, I ask him if we are not supposed to be delivering and installing this bed. Yes, but his employee needs a ride. This is where I have to put my Witch hat on and explain to him that we cannot always drop everything for everybody. This employee is older than me. He is paid very well. He has choices. He can buy a vehicle, he can walk, or he can call a cab on his cell phone. AND on top of that all... he was hired with the promise that he would be able to get to and from the jobsite on his own. But - Dan has already offered. So, I request to be dropped off at his parents so I can at least get started as we are coming up to dinner time - and there is not a lot of room in the truck for an extra person anyway. 30+ minutes later, Dan arrives. It is now after 5pm and he realizes that he missed the petstore - again.

We disassemble his Dad's old bed and put the new one together. We finish, make the bed, help his Mom get dressed and haul the old bed out at 7pm.

Our tummies are now gurgling and demanding food. We go home and decide that it is too late to cook something, so we order food. Dan for some oddball reason, does not like delivery - he prefers to pick it up himself. So off he goes to not only pick up our food, but food for the animals as well.

 45 minutes later, he comes flying through the door... puts the food down and tells me that he has to run. There are two young girls who are broken down and need rad fluid. (Don't ask me how... him to a 'problem' is like a fly to shit - he'll find it anywhere. Ha! I think I should sew him a Super Hero outfit so he can do a quick change in the vehicle!) Of course, this does not surprise us at all.. no questions asked. So the kids and I eat. I quickly take note of our begging dogs and think to myself that my man has likely forgotten the dog food.

I give him a call on his cell phone to remind him... but no answer. 30 minutes later, (his food cold now) he arrives back home, kicks off his shoes and comes upstairs. All 3 of us at the same time say "You forgot the dog food..."

Back out he goes for a run to the corner store.

Later that night, he was telling me how many loads to the dump he had done. I quietly say, without even looking his way... "How much did that cost you?" and he then launches into the usual defensive pose... "Well, it was much less than I expected... the fridge didn't weigh that much...." etc, etc... (What I forgot to ask him was - how much the rad fluid cost! ;)

As much as it can get so aggravating... I know that I wouldn't love him as dearly if he wasn't this way. Over the years, I have found it much less stressful to just let him do his thing. It does get very hard however when I see it starting to take a toll on him. And I do have to put my foot down (and don the witch hat!) when I notice other's taking advantage of him on a consistent basis or when it is having a negative effect on him or our family.

What he doesn't understand is that in his service to others, he is unable to cap it or control it. Soon it starts to consume him and then he goes from feeling great for helping someone out to being run down and stressed because he can't do it all, and he doesn't know how to stop it, how to say no or how to reprogram others in his life.

He can't be everything for everybody... but yet he will insist he can. He is the caretaker to his employees, (*to most everyone he deals with on a daily basis), and to his family... so I guess it's my place to be his caretaker - put on my 'Witch' hat and ensure he is getting looking after somewhere in the mix!

The Super Hero Husband has read and approved of this post, with the exception of specific references of people to whom I've had to re categorize *

His comment was simply a laugh... the laugh that means he thinks my delusional thoughts are funny - because this simply is not a true recollection of reality. (His anyway...;) This is my Tuesday Truth... as I see it. ;)
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